Last Week Trump declared that he was much more youthful that his potential 2020 rival, Joe Biden. Trump is 72 years old, Joe Biden is 76.
The 2020 election is still 20 months away, either of these guys might not make it that far. The primaries may take them out of contention or they might develop age related deficiencies and have to drop out of the race. In this age of spectacle as politics I think it would be a disservice to the country, nay the world, if we were denied a direct Joe vs Don contest. We can't change the dates or the process of the election but we could set up the ultimate grudge match. In a cage on the south lawn of the Whitehouse.
Here is how it could go.
Round 1: The "Get off my lawn" Bellow: Points awarded for volume, duration and number within a five minute period. Arm gestures are judged on style and variety. Finally a body count of intruders is added in - lowest number gets a 10 point bonus. No Secret Service Assistance allowed.
Round 2: Complaining about the Government: Trump is expected to win this one hands down. He will also get a bonus because he is complaining about his own administration. Sorry Joe but you don't have a chance.
Round 3: Driving: Neither of these guys have driven anything larger than a golf cart for years. So they will get a pristine full sized armored SUV and have to steer it around the perimeter of the White House grounds. Fastest time wins with deductions for dents, struck bystanders and crushed shrubbery.
Round 4: The Viagra test: Not whether it will work or not, just how many doses are required. To make this one as neutral as possible, a volunteer from the audience will be the target partner for both. If no-one volunteers after 15 seconds we will skip to Round 5.
Round 5: The Good Old Days Recollection: Both will have 10 minutes to describe the rosiest past they can. They will start with 100 points and lose 1 for every mistake, 2 for every outright lie and 3 for every repetition. Sorry Don, this one favors Joe.
I'd pay to watch this, who wouldn't?